Sunday, June 26, 2011

It Happened While Sitting

It happened while sitting. Sitting in a chair on a Sunday morning. After weeks of being in a particularly bad mood and a whole year of dreading the future. College? Job? What am I doing with my life? I sat thinking and worrying.

A long time before that I made a logical decision. Art History. That is what I will do. College at UNO and then I will work in a museum! I had it all figured out. The plan was made. But for some reason unknown the plan didn't calm my fears about the future. The plan didn't make me feel at peace with who I was or who I want to be. Why wasn't the plan working? Well. I found out while sitting in a chair that the plan(my plan) wasn't gonna make me happy. I had this picture of the future that I grabbed ahold of so quickly and tightly...but I never even stopped and looked at it. It wasn't me. It wasn't who I was made to be or who I even want to be.

I snatched some coffee and took a seat next to my family. Worship started. I sang. Then they played a video about a church in Africa called Vox. And then it hit me. It wasn't like one of those hits you got as a child from a angry sibling. It felt good. In a moment I knew the reason the plan wasn't working cause it wasn't the right plan. I am going to be a missionary. I arose from that chair with a changed plan. And it was exciting.

Since that particular Sunday, my life has been going a completely different direction. I have more joy and peace than ever. But it hasn't been easy. Part of me still feels obligated to "make something of myself." To prove to people that I can be successful if I want too. Certain people I have told about the changed plan seemed disappointed. Like I wasn't reaching my true potential. It's hard to be okay with the fact that a lot of people will think that. But the truth is that it is what I am called to do. Not forced,begged, or trick into, but called by God. And I want to do it! God didn't call me to do something I hate, but something I love. God created this plan and created me for this plan. It's my calling. It's who He made me to be and who I want to be. It's wonderful. I truly cannot fully explain the joy of having God's plan be "The Plan."

It's crazy the things God can do...even while sitting in a chair.